Seriously. I drink the coffee once and a while. Almost never more than a half cup in a day. Star Buck is not coffee. It’s the product of some deranged scientist, who wanted to give the world super powers. But they underestimated the power of the human body to adjust its tolerance. And in turn created dependent slaves to a corporatocracy now bent on profiting from your addiction.

I understand my body is sensitive to the drug, but if you drink the Star Buck even kind of regularly, you have a problem. You need to detox immediately, no one needs this much caffeine controlling their body. Sure, I currently feel like I could lift a monster truck, crumple it in to a ball and throw it across the Pacific. But really, I don’t need that responsibility.

If you disagree, I’ll just assume it’s the massive amount of caffeine that has taken over your brain like the creatures from Night of the Creeps and I’ll be forced to hunt you down and kindly shoot your brains out with a shotgun and burn all the little caffeine slugs that pour out.


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