A cruel, enlightening, important, and self-imposed tradition. A single day of introspection. My thoughts immortalized in words.
There is something I’ve discovered about myself and this sadness of mine that occasionally overcomes. This feeling of being powerless, hopeless, and low, but never known by others, never advertised, simply sheltered within. However, I do not bottle and store these hazardous feelings. I catalog them, analyze them, prep them for a rational dissection. And them promptly, discard them. I have perfected this process from early on, it began with the idea of ‘making new friends’ and that everyone likes and is attracted to ‘upbeat people.’ We all have our own fears, our own circumstances, our own lives bent on self-loathing. We want others to contribute positively to our lives, to lift us up. We are all allowed weakness, it’s understandable, relatable even, but it’s not initially attractive.
After work today I went to the dentist to to get my tooth checked out. It was as I feared, I had to get get a root canal. My face currently feels like tenderized meat. Therefore, I am deferring this rest of this entry until later, as I don’t quite feel like continuing down this woe-as-me type thinking. It seems recently that’s all I do on this day each year.