This isn’t supposed to be anything more than it is: my random thoughts spewed onto the virtual page in order to hone in on an idea for a self-portrait video.

it’s a self portrait. creating something that is a reflection of myself.
> in what aspect?
its going to represent me. how do i recreate myself and have that come across?
>what do you want it to say?
how do i know?
there are so many parts of me i could focus on…
I need a theme, a central idea.
> can you sum up your life in one central idea?
i could break it down.
>whats the most important aspect of your life?
>what do you want to say?
>what are you all about?
>what defines you?

>who are you?
>who we really are?

a central idea.
who i am can be defined
who i am can’t be defined.
a belief. a passion. a story.
what makes us no me, who i am?
Why does it matter?
it’s not me thats important, it’s my contribution.
it’s the reason you have to make this video
experimenting with film…

what do you want to discover about yourself?
i find myself, the idea of myself, fascinating.
to be able to look at myself from so many different points-of-views
and yet still only from one

so where are you going to begin?

I dont know… I dont know who i am.
it’s like im lost in a crowd.
i know who i am, but no one else ever will.
>isn’t that lonely.
yes. but it’s a universal loneliness.
im surrounded by millions of lonely people
i take comfort in that.
>so who are you?
im complex

do you remember being born?
Earliest memories are always fading away
Growing up, Missing people/places/and feelings
The past is eaten away and all that is left is fading memories that will die with you.

What’s in a name? A label on a this human can of soup.

Get past the blood/skin cells perhaps the mind. No. the soul.

Memories shape our actions create personalities & beliefs.

Perception is key. Point of view dominates.

am i the things that i own?
am i the clothes that i wear?
the appearance i keep?
the words that i speak?
the art i create?
the people i love?

am i just dreaming this life or is someone dreaming me?
my dreams can sometimes last lifetimes
how do i know my dreams aren’t what is true?
They say that dreams are only real as long as they last. Couldn’t you
say the same thing about life?

It was a gift. Life was raging all around me and every moment was
magical. I loved all the people, dealing with all the contradictory
impulses – that’s what I loved the most, connecting with the people.
Looking back, that’s all that really mattered.

There’s only one instant, and it’s right now. And it’s eternity.

we go through life with our antennas bouncing off one another,
continuously on ant autopilot, with nothing really human required of
us. Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there. All action basically for
survival. All communication simply to keep this ant colony buzzing
along in an efficient, polite manner. “Here’s your change.” “Paper or
plastic?’ “Credit or debit?” “You want ketchup with that?” I don’t
want a straw. I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you
to see me. I don’t want to give that up. I don’t want to be ant, you

have to believe in a world outside my own mind. I have to believe
that my actions still have meaning, even if I don’t remember them. I
have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world is still
there. Do I believe the world’s still there? Is it still out there?…
Yeah. We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we really are. I’m
no different…

By getting up in the morning, and either supporting general
civilization, or working directly towards technological intelligence
enhancement, you are indirectly doing what’s right, acting in a
supporting role. You’re making the choices that lead to a better
Universe, and that’s all that can ever be asked of anyone. If you
don’t get up in the morning, the Universe will be the worse for it.

Who am I?