I have been away — mentally, physically, and virtually.

I have let my daily photographs become the vehicle wherein I illustrate my thoughts and feelings. Most times they are successful. Though, admittedly, recently, I’ve been disappointed in my effort and the sub-par results. Also, I have lately been asked and had to defend the everlasting question, why post these photos and weblogs at all? *pondering* There is a tremendous difference between writing and then saving the document in the little folder on my computer aptly named “journal” and taking those thoughts and then posting my pretentious scribbling for the bored wayfarer to eventually stumble upon. Alas, I’m not in the mood now to defend my actions. Perhaps, like some other myspace attractions, it’s a guilty pleasure. Perhaps, I reach out and hope to connect in a sometimes feeble attempt to a fractured mind, not unlike my own that truly believes in a few of the wacky inane ideas that are a torrent inside my head. Perhaps my thoughts begin too often with perhaps. Well, my mind sways now to another discussion, where again I reach back into my abiding arsenal as I step up to the podium to speak up, this time even more confident and assured.

I once lived a sheltered life and tried my damndest to imagine what others felt, thought, and believed. I made it a point to never take what I had for granted. This all began, I believe, when I was about 13 years old. Don’t ask me where this idea came from – more than likely I’ll tell you it came from a Punisher graphic novel with a peculiar name. Somehow out of the mundane insanity that was my teenage years I came away with a few core values that I somehow never let go of. One such value is the idea of not giving in to stress. It is this idea that, strangely enough, I’ve had to defend recently in my workplace. I say strangely because even with the late nights, insane deadline, and impossible dense clients (no offense fox home entertainment) I still can’t help think life is not worth stressing over.

20mins later…
This is the part I don’t usually talk about. I took a break watched a little Anderson Copper 360, grabbed another beer, reevaluated what the hell I’m really trying to say with this blog, recalled that I still must explain my “sole purpose in life is happiness” belief, spent a few minutes trying to find the right music to “inspire me” (Sigur Ros –- Agaetis Byrjun, in case you’re wondering), accidentally tipped my computer over, watched as my computer locked up, photographed the screen cause I didn’t yet save, retyping and then finally got back to this point. I now again begin the processes of typing formatted gibberish. This is also where I begin to go off on tangents and really start to derail yet still try to bring it all together with a nice final paragraph or at least a good quote. Ok, now back to the subject at hand…

So, some people claim that stress is a motivator. If you truly are motivated by fear or a potential “physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension.” in your life then you have made some poor choices. And you really need to realize this or be doomed to a life of stressful misery. There comes a time where you must make the choice whether or not you give in to stress. And I’m not trying to preach and claim I never struggle with it. But when I realize that stress has tried to blindside me, I can’t help but smile. And with that smile, I have won. It’s because I know it’s letting the little things in that will kill you. With my job I literally swim in a vat of potential stressors the likes of which were totally unknown to me before. I have to make important decisions that affect my company and the people around me. But ultimately I make the decisions rationally and logically and watch my domino knock the next one down and wait to see how it plays out.

I’m tired and still have to take the photo tonight. So let me wrap this up with an analogy that I’ve used since one strange trip to buy dinner in a Ralphs in Tempe, Arizona in 1997. If you have the ability to make yourself smile, laugh, and have the best time of your life while doing such mundane tasks as shopping for groceries, well, then you’re on the right path.

So, more of this…
lightheartedness [lahyt-hahr-tid]
noun. Not being burdened by trouble, worry, or care; happy and carefree.

Less of this…
stress [stres]
noun. The action on a body of any system whereby strain or deformation results.

“The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.”

Martha Washington


Current mood: cooky/wacky
Currently listening: Ágætis Byrjun by Sigur Rós