How does one know they are getting older. How does one know they are an adult. How does time play tricks on us. What does it mean when we say that this year went by so fast or I cant believe it’s been ten years. Time is inescapable. Elusive.

This morning, as I was eating brunch with friends, my grandma died. As I was designing my business card this afternoon I found out about it. She was the special grandparent to me, we shared much in common including a birthday exactly 50 years apart, we were both artists and stubborn in our ways. I saw myself in her, she was just as much a part of me as I of her. Even though she lived halfway across the country and our visits were sparse, I feel a bit lost and alone now that she is gone. Like my world just became a little darker and a little smaller.

I now have no grandparents left. This fact, along with becoming an uncle, has me officially slipping into adulthood to become the middle generation that paves the way for the next. Seeing and marveling over my friend’s and sister’s babies isn’t just because they are unlawfully cute and drooly, but I see their future and it amazes me. I see myself dying and I see these babies carrying on. This gives me comfort and my hope in the future is strengthened.

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

Oscar Wilde


Current mood: sad


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