March 5: What is your favorite word right now?
Expectations. With “priorities” being right next to it. Our personal expectations dictate our emotional reactions to everything.
March 8: What was the last song you listened to?
The Statler Brothers: Flowers on the Wall and it’s in my head…counting flowers on the wall, that don’t bother me at all…
March 10: What was the last movie you rented watched?
Kubo and the Two Strings (2016)
March 12: Where do you live?
It’s my first house. I’m really close to completing all the big projects I set out to do when I bought it (No secret rooms though). And now, I feel it’s time to leave. I’ve been caged up here in one spot for way longer than I should have been. It’s been my comfortable prison, tucked nicely in the wastelands of suburbia, and while I love it here, I honestly think, in many ways, it’s hindered me from achieving some goals and personal growth.
March 13: If you could add one hour to your day, what would you do with it?
I would stop everything and just relax. It’s funny because I have the whole day to do that. But I feel I need to be productive every minute of my day, paradoxically feeling guilty for not relaxing more.
March 14: What is true?
There are true things in reality even if there are no minds to comprehend them. Every mind that exists can comprehend parts of these truths. Some may one day be able to understand them all.
We know that our (humanity’s) cognitive faculties have not evolved to put us in error-free contact with reality. We did not evolve to be perfect mathematicians or perfect logical operators, or perfect conceivers of scientific reality at the very small, subatomic level, or at the very large cosmic level, or at the very old cosmological level. We are designed by a happenstance of evolution to function within a very narrow band of light intensities and physical parameters. There are things humans are designed to do very well like recognize the facial expressions of apes just like ourselves, recognize patterns, and throw objects in parabolic arcs within 100 meters. So the fact that we can succeed in creating a vision of scientific truth and the structure of the cosmos at large that radically exceeds those narrow parameters, is kind of amazing. It is an amazing fact about us that seems not to be true, remotely true, of many other species we know about and that’s something to be celebrated and it’s a lot of fun to see how far we can get in that direction, but I will grant you that there are no guarantees as we move forward in that space. In fact, we should be skeptical about how easily we can have it in this space.
So, “true” is only as accurate as the mind that filters it, which can comprehend it. Thus, as a species, truths are what we perceive and agree upon via consensus using the best and the only reliable tool currently available, the scientific method.
Now as individuals on the highest level, personal consciousness is the one thing in this universe that can’t be an illusion. It’s the only thing that you can be absolutely sure exists and is true at this moment. However, as social animals, the more we agree on our shared reality the better off we all are when it comes to understanding each other and getting along. So, creating a system to understand and agree upon a reality, as free from bias as we can achieve, was needed. And that’s the scientific method.
Beyond that, there is the language game of “true.” Our effort to organize the way the world seems to us with concepts and language and we have successful iterations of that and unsuccessful ones.
March 15: What do you not want to talk about?
Pop culture nonsense. Celebrity gossip. Political squabbling. Stuff I’m not interested in. I’m trying to do my best by me and better the people and world around me. I do indulge in distractions, but I gravitate mostly toward ones that stimulate positive growth potential.
March 16: What do you want to buy?
Right now in my Amazon shopping cart is a Fitbit for $150. And a chef’s knife for $20. I want to buy my friend, Sandra, self-published book. I’d like to buy my Malibu a new paint job and new interior. I want to buy some more fruit trees for the backyard. A new kitchen and two new bathroom remodels. A new wardrobe would be nice, it’s been a while since I bought new clothes.
March 17: What new activity have you tried?
Art Day At Dean’s! I’m now hosting a monthly art meetup at my house. I love the idea of creating with others. I tried to do that with the screen printing collective I began years and years ago, and that went nowhere. This however is a bit different, I’m setting aside a few hours a month so *I* can be creative. And if people want to join me, more the merrier. I’ve had one so far and it was pretty cool. But I know if it grows, I’m going to need a lot more space. Can’t want to see what it might turn into. 🙂
March 18: In three words describe your spirituality.
First, we have to discuss: what is “spirituality?”
I have no reason to believe there is something called a spirit or a soul. And “spiritual” is a vague, undefined, trite word people just love to throw around haphazardly. If I were forced to define it from how I’ve seen it used it would be something like this:
spiritual: relating to the non-material, focusing on introspection and how an individual’s mind works.
That said, meditation, contemplation, practices like yoga—all can have a profound effect upon the human mind without a belief in a god, spirits, souls, fate, or inner truths. I do believe in our brain’s capacity to trick itself into losing itself. I do not believe in any pseudoscience: crystals, reiki, horoscopes, chakras, healing energies, auras, psychics, etc. In fact, I think belief in these things is a dangerous, slippery slope of non-critical thinking that leads to more problematic decision-making.
That said, I have experienced a sense of being one with the universe, losing myself, and forgetting my consciousness as I floated through the cosmos of my mind. I have been moved by spectacular sunsets, sublime sonnets, and experienced self-transcending love.
My “spirituality” often comes out when I’m alone sitting under the stars at night realizing how lucky I am to have been born on a planet that is but a speck of dust in this vast universe in a time where I comprehend more than most humans that have ever existed.
So, my three words? Here are three different ones I came up with:
Look inside yourself.
Calm your mind.
Live right now.
March 19: Describe your work ethic.
I’m efficient. I prioritize budgeting my time and finding quicker more efficient ways of doing…well, everything. I don’t want to work any longer than necessary. I would rather have more free time than more money. I want to just work long and hard enough to get it done properly. I also have a “stuck in the ON position” issue with most projects. I get focused on achieving goals and just go. Sometimes for too long. For example, I just sprained my wrist after too many consecutive days of intense yard work. Working outside with minimal breaks for multiple hours straight. I’ve also worked until I was starving, ignoring the hundreds of minor hunger pangs until the big one clubs me over the head. Ultimately, I want a quality outcome with minimal effort.
March 20: What is the last book you read?
The last book I completed was Consider Phlebas by Iain M. Banks.
The last book I read a page from was a very old paperback copy of Great Dialogues of Plato (translated by W.H.D. Rouse) from 1956.
March 22: Jot down a news story from today.
London attack: Five dead in Westminster terror attack
Trump to GOP critics of health-care bill: ‘I’m gonna come after you’
SpaceX cargo ship returns to Earth
Newest “Sesame Street” Muppet has autism: Meet Julia
March 23: Are you country or rock ‘n’ roll? (or hip-hop, emo, funk, punk…)?
Taking this as metaphoric as I can. I’m more country than rock ‘n’ roll in how I would understand them personified. I feel I’m polite, well-mannered, kind, soft-spoken, yet I’ve also had my fair share of rodeos. Ironically, not a huge fan of the genre. But I grew up with it as both parents were huge fans.
I am the Eagles’ Desperado song hoping to come to my senses but have my reasons. Not getting any younger, only wanting what I can’t get, in my prison of walking through this world all alone. Slowly losing all my highs and lows, thinking I better let someone love me before it’s too late.
I seek Kenny Rogers’ Lady, wishing I can be her knight in shining armor and hoping one day I can utter the words, “For so many years I thought I’d never find you. Forever let me wake to see you each and every morning.” I’m living Garth Brookes’ The Dance, understanding that pain is part of life, that not knowing how it all will end is what makes life precious.
March 25: What made you laugh?
This will sound sad. But I don’t laugh a lot these days. It’s interesting, I haven’t thought about it much until right now. I’m happy, content, not sad…but there is perhaps a real lack of joy, of elation, missing from my life. The last time I laughed was most likely alone, watching a film, a show, or reading a book.
March 26: Who do you aspire to be like?
I try not to compare. I am me. I do admire others as models of excellence, paragons. Yet, know everyone even them are flawed and can make mistakes. That said, I shall never berate myself for not living up to the feats of others. Even self-assigned aspirations not met are nothing to chasten oneself about. That said, my cliché, if not true answer to this question is my mother and father. They are not perfect, but they have taught me a lot about what it means to be good people in a world where that can sometimes be a very difficult thing to be.
March 27: When was the last time you felt like you were on top of the world?
Today. Now. “Top of the world” means to me you’re in control, you are heading in the direction you desire, and you feel great about it. Things aren’t perfect in my life right now and I might be crawling, but I’m heading in the right direction. Always.
March 28: What do you want to remember about today?
I was invited over to my friends Jeff and Wendy’s to have a few slices of pizza and talk about growing foodstuffs. I ate my first fava beans and Nasturtium flower. I also acquired a pink lemon Wendy picked from her tree. What do I want to remember? How deeply I enjoy my friendships, how just a short visit and their generosity and love can brighten my entire week. How I use that to help balance out the more difficult times.
March 29: Write a few lines down from a song or poem that you identify with today.
amidst the chaos
I go on many first dates. Very few second dates. I feel what I’m looking for is a rare gem. My proclivities as a miner of these precious stones have me on a dig so deep that at times I feel I’ve entirely lost the concept of sunlight. The irony is not lost on me, that the gem I seek will only shine under that same light. So, I confidently stumble forward, my tether weakening with every step, questioning my self-made map.
amongst the shared vibrance
And manufacturing, through sheer will, a piece of sunlight to sustain me until I can once again warm my face with the beauty of our star’s nuclear fusion with my beautiful gem smiling in my hand. I went on a first date last week. Elle.
whilst searching for resonance
I want to go on very few second dates; It’s a rare thing, it means I gleamed a vibrant gem and need to work on freeing it. The date went well, our texting rapport was strong, things were looking up.
there is little peace
I was cursed with a cold right after. I canceled our second date for Saturday. After I inquired about rescheduling last night, I woke to a “too late” message on my screen. “I had a good time, but…a connection to someone else has developed while you were coughing and feeling miserable. Sorry, but your window has closed.”
There is something to be said about the control we have over our lives. The timing of it all. The first impressions. And rejection.
amidst the chaos,
amongst the shared vibrance,
whilst searching for resonance,
there is little peace.— excerpt from Vaka by DAEthington