I am constantly amazed by my own existence and every aspect within. Some may perceive this as egotistical. Truthfully, I’m not trying to exaggerate my own importance over anyone else. I just find I am the most readily available person who also has the most insight into myself. I embrace this idea of looking at yourself in the third person; I continuously try and discover and understand why I do, think, and say, the things I do. People’s unbiased opinions of me fascinate me in more than just a narcissistic way. I find that I am my own ultimate science experiment. Everything I do (including writing this) changes peoples’ views and thoughts of me, if only slightly. And in turn, it’s sure to affect me somewhere down the line. I guess I’m just curious, but I find it truly captivating that so many people can view me in so many different ways. If you boil it down, the idea that part of who I am is what other people make me is inescapable. It is a scary thought but your interactions in life will (and have) shape you into who you are and will become. No man is an island as the saying goes. Perhaps not entirely, but we certainly must have to have something that is 100% not tainted by outside influences.
This is why I find myself so interesting; it’s why I love over-thinking my own thoughts and actions and constantly question my reasons. It’s that hopeless search for the one part of me that will finally make sense. It’s that search that I’m in love with along with the whole idea of my existence and the continual process of discovering parts of me that I never knew existed.
Current mood: contemplative
Currently listening: Jar of Flies by Alice in Chains