Friends — People who know you really well and still like you. These are the people you willingly invite into your lives to share with them your greatest gift — yourself. Many say there is nothing in the world greater than a true friend. The act of gaining new friends is relatively easy, however, losing a friend that you once considered close and irreplaceable is a strange and sad process. Sometimes the loss is a gradual deterioration similar to a friendship that just gets stronger over time. And other times it’s quick. When this occurs and before you even know what’s happening, you’ve lost a part of yourself. Either way, not only do you lose someone you once trusted and relied on, but often there is a lingering question of why? Now, everyone wants to believe that they are the best person they can be — the best friend, the best boyfriend, the best son. I have found it’s only when you see friends drift off, never to talk to you again, does something click inside telling you, maybe you are not the best, because if you were, they would never have let you go. Sometimes you try to rationalize the fact that you did the best you could or perhaps they have changed. Somewhere though, no matter who they are, it hurts that they gave you up. My main question though is why we lose friends that we once considered essential to our lives. And I have no answer. Well, besides the obvious ones — lies, betrayal, and capital murder. However, that’s not what’s on my mind. I’m thinking about the ones that slowly tiptoe out the side door of your life. Why do we let them go and why didn’t they hang on?

I’ve lived a life where I’ve drifted from one group of friends to another. I keep in touch with the friends I care to and sometimes, despite my best efforts some still fall away. Now, however, thanks to this site, some friends once lost, are finding their way back. These friends materializing in the form of a personal web page asking if I would be their friend again is what sparked this stream of consciousness writing session. What makes people stay friends, why do people stop being friends, and now, why do some want back in?

It fascinates me why people tend to drift in and out of our lives. Does it take so little to keep in touch? To maintain that connection? What is a friend? How do we label or rate our friends? How many people do I trust with my life? How many friends can I count on for anything? Can you have too many friends? Is there a limit to how many friendship you can maintain? I’ve always believed in the idea that you could never have enough friends. Then I look at how many people that I have let into my life and trust unconditionally and then wonder why that number isn’t higher.

Thanks to Curtis for the “stream of consciousness” journal idea.

“Somehow, the conversation mentioned your name and someone asked if I knew you. Looking away I thought of all the times we had together; sharing laughter, tears, jokes, and tons more. And then, without explanation, you were gone. I looked to where they were waiting for an answer, and then said softly, ‘Once…I thought I did.”


“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him.”

—Ralph Waldo Emerson


Current mood: contemplative / melancholy / hopeful


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