I handle stress well. In fact, I thrive in it. Knowing that what I do has an impact on other’s lives especially my own makes me want to work hard at it. And the more I have going on, the more stressed to get things done, the better I perform. Anxiety, on the other hand, I do not handle well. Thankfully, there isn’t much that’s ever gotten me very anxious, at least not for an extended period of time. And in many cases, I don’t realize how anxious I am until after the fact when I feel this extraordinary sense of relief. Now, for the last few months, I’ve been trying my best to ignore and bottle up this growing anxiety. And so it continues that tomorrow is a day that will add a little more fuel to this fire, as well as mark the halfway point in the journey.

Trust. Come to think about it, I’m not a real trusting person. It’s not that I don’t think people are essentially good-natured, but people are also naturally self-regarding…hummm, not that it has anything to do with my situation. My true problem is that in many ways I’m a realist. Well, perhaps trust does play a factor. I have a problem not in, not trusting people, but instead in trusting that everything will work out. Of course, I want things to turn out for the best, but I know that sometimes they simply don’t. So things like “surgery” are a wee bit scary. And the fact that I’m a little vain when it comes to my smile creates a huge pot of anxiety that has been brewing in my head for almost a year now. Then the heat really got turned up when they yanked my tooth out back in June. And tomorrow they will dive back in to turn up the heat with more cutting, drilling, and [gasp] tissue grafts. Yeah, folks, I won’t get into details, but needless to say, I’m a little freaked. So these last few weeks have been a little racking, I’ve been trying to keep myself busy with work, freelance projects, and learning CSS and DHTML coding. And as you can see, to keep myself from growing crazy these past few days, I used my newfound knowledge to make my space here a little less ugly.

Lastly, I’m sorry I haven’t gotten around to writing these last few weeks, especially about my exciting weekend in Vegas with weddings, babies, booze, gambling, ice cream, vans with no seats, film festivals, movie screenings, hard ways, beef jerky, COPS, Dracula, sharing margaritas, blueberry pancakes, almost dying (twice), thunder, lightning and of course being knighted, Sir Uncle Dean. Yes, folks. It’s a trip that will not be forgotten.


Related entries:
the tooth and nothing but the truth

Current mood: anxious
Currently reading: Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut


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