budgets, finance, and getting rich slowly
For some of you, this might be the most boring article ever. But for anyone in debt I would highly suggest reading this. JD makes some excellent points and summarizes a lot of personal finance books. Check it out… Get Rich Slowly.
Current mood: busy
identity: the video
A glimpse into what creates our individual identities. How what we wear, the way we cut our hair, our facial expressions, and everything else about our outwardly appearance is perceived and can never truly express who we really are.
This is my first time experimenting with film.
Current mood: accomplished
identity: my brainstorm for a self-portrait video
This isn’t supposed to be anything more than it is: my random thoughts spewed onto the virtual page in order to hone in on an idea for a self-portrait video.
it’s a self portrait. creating something that is a reflection of myself.
> in what aspect?
its going to represent me. how do i recreate myself and have that come across?
>what do you want it to say?
how do i know?
there are so many parts of me i could focus on…
I need a theme, a central idea.
> can you sum up your life in one central idea?
i could break it down.
>whats the most important aspect of your life?
>what do you want to say?
>what are you all about?
>what defines you?
>who are you?
>who we really are?
a central idea.
who i am can be defined
who i am can’t be defined.
a belief. a passion. a story.
what makes us no me, who i am?
Why does it matter?
it’s not me thats important, it’s my contribution.
it’s the reason you have to make this video
experimenting with film…
what do you want to discover about yourself?
i find myself, the idea of myself, fascinating.
to be able to look at myself from so many different points-of-views
and yet still only from one
so where are you going to begin?
I dont know… I dont know who i am.
it’s like im lost in a crowd.
i know who i am, but no one else ever will.
>isn’t that lonely.
yes. but it’s a universal loneliness.
im surrounded by millions of lonely people
i take comfort in that.
>so who are you?
im complex
do you remember being born?
Earliest memories are always fading away
Growing up, Missing people/places/and feelings
The past is eaten away and all that is left is fading memories that will die with you.
What's in a name? A label on a this human can of soup.
Get past the blood/skin cells perhaps the mind. No. the soul.
Memories shape our actions create personalities & beliefs.
Perception is key. Point of view dominates.
am i the things that i own?
am i the clothes that i wear?
the appearance i keep?
the words that i speak?
the art i create?
the people i love?
am i just dreaming this life or is someone dreaming me?
my dreams can sometimes last lifetimes
how do i know my dreams aren’t what is true?
They say that dreams are only real as long as they last. Couldn’t you
say the same thing about life?
It was a gift. Life was raging all around me and every moment was
magical. I loved all the people, dealing with all the contradictory
impulses – that’s what I loved the most, connecting with the people.
Looking back, that’s all that really mattered.
There’s only one instant, and it’s right now. And it’s eternity.
we go through life with our antennas bouncing off one another,
continuously on ant autopilot, with nothing really human required of
us. Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there. All action basically for
survival. All communication simply to keep this ant colony buzzing
along in an efficient, polite manner. “Here’s your change.” “Paper or
plastic?’ “Credit or debit?” “You want ketchup with that?” I don’t
want a straw. I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you
to see me. I don’t want to give that up. I don’t want to be ant, you
know?
have to believe in a world outside my own mind. I have to believe
that my actions still have meaning, even if I don’t remember them. I
have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world is still
there. Do I believe the world’s still there? Is it still out there?…
Yeah. We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we really are. I’m
no different…
By getting up in the morning, and either supporting general
civilization, or working directly towards technological intelligence
enhancement, you are indirectly doing what’s right, acting in a
supporting role. You’re making the choices that lead to a better
Universe, and that’s all that can ever be asked of anyone. If you
don’t get up in the morning, the Universe will be the worse for it.
Who am I?
my girlfriend loves swiss rolls more than she loves me
Who can blame her? They’re delicious!
Current mood: restless
a failing mind
Sometimes I just hate talking. I’ll think of something to say and yet when I go to speak it, I’ll babble out some nonsense along with the occasional slurring and stuttering before I can get out my disjointed thought. I swear sometimes I feel like I’ve been slipped a drug wherein the place in my brain that controls speech has decided to take a 3-day cruise to Barbados.
Maybe it’s too many art classes and not enough real classes. You know, the ones in which you have to buy books and take tests. Maybe I’m just missing some of the debates and arguments I used to have with my old buddies that were always so much fun. I’m always looking to find a way to keep my mind stimulated — but the best way is simply talking to people.
Since moving back here (from Tempe) I’ve been missing those great conversations with friends who have intelligent and thought-provoking topics to discuss. The ones in which you spend five hours having discussions on intense stuff like the meaning of life, interesting stuff like time travel and ridiculous stuff like the best candy bar ever. The same ones where no matter what, you always end up learning something, solidify friendships and have a blast doing it.
Oh well. As always, in search of inspiration, stimulation, and a different point-of-view.
everyone wants to believe they are special
Everyone wants to believe they are special. Everyone wants to be different. Contrary to this, many strive to conform and struggle to be accepted. It’s a battle within us that we’ll never win and it’s a battle I fight every day. I’m constantly questioning — Why am I the person I am? Why do I do the things I do? How did I get to this point? Why am I here? Who am I? Perhaps until the day I die.
“…a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet. And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this poor innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity as a whale before it then had to come to terms with not being a whale any more. This is a complete record of its thoughts from the moment it began its life till the moment it ended it.
Ahhh! Woooh! What’s happening? Who am I? Why am I here? What’s my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I? Okay okay, calm down calm down get a grip now. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? Its a sort of tingling in my… well I suppose I better start finding names for things. Lets call it a… tail! Yeah! Tail! And hey, what’s this roaring sound, whooshing past what I’m suddenly gonna call my head? Wind! Is that a good name? It’ll do. Yeah, this is really exciting. I’m dizzy with anticipation! Or is it the wind? There’s an awful lot of that now isn’t it? And what’s this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like ‘Ow’, ‘Ownge’, ‘Round’, ‘Ground’! That’s it! Ground! Ha! I wonder if it’ll be friends with me? Hello Ground! [dies]”
—Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)
running away, gangs, and dancing
It all started when I ran away from home.
I was five years old. Almost six. I lived in a simple, nice, yet thug-ish city in LA. Not that I ever noticed. I was a bright kid and had the street smarts needed to survive. Playing on the streets of LA makes you grow up fast, one wrong move and you’re toast.
One day, I got mad at my parents for eating the last piece of yellow cake with fudge frosting (yeah, sprinkles too). Those monsters. So I packed up my favorite He-man and Star Wars figures, hopped into my Big Wheel, and hit the road. It wasn’t long until I stumbled across a few rough and tough-looking hombres smoking and raping with each other. Not sure how they could even hear each other with their giant ghetto blaster blaring. One of the bigger thugs with a mean-looking red bandanna and a wife-beater looked over at me with a penetrating stare. I was frozen. Fear enveloped me.
It was then I realized I had stumbled into some bad-ass gang and was trespassing on their turf. I was a dead man. After a few seconds of staring me down, the massive red bandanna dude with biceps as big as my torso finally asked, “You know how to dance?” Confused, but knowing a negative answer would end up with me dead in some dumpster, I replied, “Hell yeah, I’m the best there is!” Then one of the meanest looking guys with a scar down the side of his neck chimed in with, “You better be or we’ll break you!” as he casually and unflinchingly punched a brick wall. Then blew the dust from his knuckles. Truthfully, I was a pretty good dancer, but I knew the clogging and line dancing lessons my parents forced me to take were probably not the kind of dancing these guys were talking about. It was time to improvise. To get creative.
With Run DMC blasting from the radio, I step up and began with a swing and shuffle move trying to match the beat of the music. Then I drop to the ground to do the worm. The gang members laugh and clap a bit. I thought for a second that I just might pull this off…I felt energized, like I was on fire! The guys were cheering me on; I started cranking out moves that surprised even me. Jumping and kicking, pulling moves from my one-day stint at karate. But then, alas, tragedy struck. Out of nowhere I tripped and fell on my back. I began to spin. Later people would tell me I was quite the sight, as I just kept spinning. I spun forever because it seems, by chance, I tripped onto a piece of old, slick cardboard. So, after a quick panic, I realize that the cardboard was smooth enough to do some other creative moves. I even managed to spin on my head at one point! By the time I finished, all the guys had formed a circle around me cheering and yelling at the top of their lungs at this spasmatic dancing kid who had obviously drank too much Rainbow Punch Kool-Aid and was fueled by the power of sugar. By the time I finished, I was sweating buckets and a little green in the face, yet never felt so alive.
Well, needless to say, I joined their gang that day. Eventually, I got my own bandanna and we all started to practice a new type of dancing. It caught on rather quickly and spread from coast to coast. After that first display, one of the guys asked me how I learned to dance like that. I told them, still exhausted, a bit winded, “I made it up so you guys wouldn’t break me in half.” He laughed, “Break Dancing, eh? It’s got a nice ring to it.” I was forever known as Dean, The Mean, Green, Break-Dancing Machine.
Rio Vatos fo life!
Five years from today you will be dead
This entry was originally a writing exercise for a college course.
“Dean. Five years from today you will be dead.”
Disbelief, helplessness, and despair all flood my mind faster than I can comprehend what it all really means, and the impact it will ultimately have on my life. As I sit and contemplate the changes I will ultimately have to make and what I will want to accomplish in the remaining years of my life I become acutely aware of the clock and the seconds ticking away.
As I recover my first rational thought happens upon everything I can’t accomplish in five years. And with a shiver, my heart breaks. I realize that even if I have children, they will grow up never truly knowing there dad. I will never see them grow up, teach them how to ride a bike, a car, and see them fall in love, get married, I will never know what it was like to be a grandfather. Not that it matters much; holding down a long lasting relationship has never been my forte. And then, out of the blackness, it hit me – love. I’ve never been in love. Romantic love has always eluded me; relationships seemingly ending before they begin. However, through it all, I never worried too much; falling in love is something I took for granted would happen naturally. Yet now I’m on a timeline; now I have the purpose to travel, to meet new people, to explore the world – the pursuit of love.
In another place and another time, I recall a question that was asked of me. I contemplated it a bit before answering with an answer that has now faded from memory. At the time, I wasn’t in a position in my life where I could truly grasp the enormity and meaning of the question. This simple question, trivial then, and painfully significant now – What do I want to be remembered for after I die? What kind of mark do I want to leave behind? A quote I once read came quickly to mind.
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”
―Emerson
To know one life has breathed easier because you have lived – how true to my heart that has always been. I’ve always feel a sense of accomplishment and a rush of righteousness after helping others; I guess it’s one of my selfish indulgences. So in order to give back, to leave my imprint behind on the world I would seek out a way to help others – the Peace Corps, Red Cross, or something equivalent pop into my mind.
Now comes the tricky part. How am I going to deal with the financial aspect of the next five years? Selling everything I own would make sense given I plan to travel a lot and worldly possessions mean little when traveling other than more weight to lug around. The things I would keep are simple: photos, memoirs, and of course a few art supplies. For if there is one thing I can physically leave behind it’s my artwork. The inspiration and motivation created throughout my five years of travel shall produce a legacy of works that will be my small mark on the world. And through my travels, the subject matter would be more diverse than I could possibly imagine. And selling these paintings, drawings, and sketches would be my way of funding my voyage through the world.
I must admit the most difficult part of knowing I’m going to die in five years is the search for a meaning to my life. What am I here for? What’s my purpose? It’s something I have always thought of, but now it’s the most nagging question on my mind. After a lot of reflection, asking myself what I love about life, and what I think everyone wants out of theirs, I think I’ve come up with an answer. We were born to live, to love, to hope and dream, to know joy, and most importantly to have faith that our lives have meaning. That without meaning, without purpose, life is dark and we’re just living to die. Once I realized this, I was at peace. Five years was an immense amount of time, I just have to live it and have faith. Because who knows what tomorrow will bring?
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
―Oscar Wilde
10 Principles for Success
Everything that happens to us is a direct result of the choices we make. You choose to act or procrastinate, believe or doubt, help, or hinder, succeed or fail. I found these ’10 Principles’ from Lou Holtz’s self-improvement book, Winning Every Day really insightful and helpful.
1. THE POWER OF ATTITUDE. The attitude you choose to assume toward life and everything it brings you will determine whether you realize your aspirations. What you are capable of achieving is determined by your talent and ability. What you attempt to do is determined by your motivation. How well you do something is determined by your attitude.
2. TACKLE ADVERSITY. You are going to be knocked down. I have been on top and I have been at the bottom. To achieve success, you are going to have to solve problems. If you react positively to them, you’ll be stronger and better than ever. You can assume that your competitors have problems, too. If you react to setbacks more quickly and positively, you gain a distinct advantage. I’ve never encountered a person who achieved anything that didn’t require overcoming obstacles. Expect them.
3. HAVE A SENSE OF PURPOSE. Understand what you are trying to do. Stay completely focused on your original and primary purpose. Do not be sidetracked. If you own a business, help customers get what they want. Remember the 80/20 rule.
4. MAKE SACRIFICE YOUR ALLY. You can’t be successful without making sacrifices. Most losing organizations are overpopulated with people who constantly complain about life’s difficulties. They will drain your enthusiasm and energy. Take pride in making sacrifices and having self-discipline.
5. ADAPT OR DIE. Things are always changing, so embrace the fact that your life and career are always in transition. Yes, you will achieve your goals, but don’t fall into the mistake of thinking you don’t have to do anything further. Even when you become number one, you will still need to stay focused on the fundamentals.
6. CHASE YOUR DREAMS. All great accomplishments start with a dream. Dreams fuel your enthusiasm and vision. They give you a burning desire to get up in the morning and achieve.
7. NURTURE YOUR SELF-IMAGE. A positive self-image grows out of having strong character. To be trustworthy, committed to excellence, and show care for others are the underpinnings of a successful person.
8. FOSTER TRUST. All relationships are based on trust. I can’t begin to tell you how many people I have seen ruin tremendous opportunities because they didn’t have the discipline and decency to do what’s right. Continually ask yourself, “Is this the right thing to do?”; do what you feel is right regardless of peer pressure or personal desires’ success and confidence will not be far behind.
9. COMMIT TO EXCELLENCE. Do everything to the best of your ability. Everybody wants to be associated with people who set and maintain high standards. When you lower your standards, you only invite mediocrity.
10. HANDLE WITH CARE. Treat others as you would like to be treated – with concern and care.