September QuADs
September 1: Teacher or student?
Both, always.
September 3: Where have you found evidence of a higher power?
I have found no such evidence. If anything, evidence shows it can be found within the human imagination.
September 4: Where do you see yourself in five years?
I have no idea. Hopefully somewhere different.
September 5: Today you learned [blank].
How to return to the default world.
September 6: What was the last online video clip you watched?
The Opening Lines of Romeo and Juliet recited in the original accent of Shakespeare’s time.
September 7: What’s the newest thing you’re wearing today?
Last week I picked up my first piece of MOOP (matter out of place) on the playa my first day at Burning Man. It was a black string. Thoughtlessly, I tied it around my wrist and went about my day. I’m still currently wearing it.
September 10: This is utterly confounding: [blank].
Bigotry.
September 11: What advice would you give to a second-grader?
Play as much as possible.
September 12: What are you chasing at the moment?
Purpose.
September 13: Write down a minor, but chronic, problem.
My separated shoulder is, after over a decade, giving me some pains. I cannot lift my arm in certain ways without pain. I cannot lift weights without pain.
September 14: Who can help you?
Me. I can help myself. I’m stubbornly self-reliant.
September 15: Who are the most important people in your life?
The ones who share themselves. The ones who want me to share myself.
September 16: What would you want to study at school?
Well, I’ve done a lot of art, but I’d never get tired of learning and practicing more art. Other than that, probably philosophy. But really almost anything that makes me think and think differently is tempting.
September 17: What is your favorite snack food?
Chips and homemade guacamole.
September 19: What’s a new place you’ve recently been to?
Black Rock City. And it was unbelievable.
September 23: Write down a quote for today.
“We live. We die. And happiness, contentedness is the only thing that matters. The problems only arise when you desire more than what the world offers and that which you are not willing to fight for.”
— DAEthington
September 24: When was the last time you went dancing?
I went to an 80s themed bar a few weeks ago and danced my butt off. I <3 dancing.
September 26: Today was amusing because ____.
I watched episodes of Rick and Morty & HarmonQuest.
September 27: Do you handle rejection well?
Yes. My ego has been mostly tamed.
September 29: Bad news: sugarcoated or straight-up?
Always straight-up.
September 30: How do you get out of a rut?
Write. Write. And write more. Make lists. Maybe talk to someone. Maybe.
August QuADs
August 2: Describe the room you’re in right now.Frontend Editor
I’m in my dining room. It has always been my office since I moved in to this house. I have a wood wedge desk that sits in the northeast corner. On the east wall to my left is a large window, the blinds are closed. The walls are painted a taupe with a bit of mustard, my steal dragon sits on the north wall. I have two computer screens mounted to a post anchored to my desk. I have a Wacom, speakers, various pens, pencils, markers, rulers, X-Acto knives, etc sitting in jars. Further past my desk on the north wall is my drawer/desk unit. Behind me is an Ikea shelving unit sitting horizontally holding various knickknacks. Behind that is my open kitchen. To the west is my open living room. If it is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
August 3: What do you lie about?
I sometimes lie about my feelings. Are you alright? Yeah, I’m fine.
August 4: When was the last time you were on an airplane?
Coming home from New York, January 2016.
August 6: Who are you?
I am not special. But I am unique. A friend says I am, distinct.
August 10: What are you running from at this moment?
I was running from the first four tracks on Prodigy’s Fat of the Land. I started running again exactly one month ago. A trip around my block is 2.2 miles. In that time I’ve gone from an 11min/mile pace to a 9:24min/mile pace. I run to the same 4 track of Prodigy to help me audibly keep tabs on where I should be to keep pace. And today I was ahead of the songs, so in a way, the songs were chasing me, forcing me to run faster.
August 12: What is your resolution for tomorrow?
Have a wonderful and productive Art Day at Dean’s!
August 17: If you had to spend five years in prison, what would you finally have the chance to do?
I’ve had plenty of time for introspection already. I guess first, figure out why I’m in prison, right now I have no idea what I would do to end up there. After that, perhaps write, write a book, more articles. Read a lot, work out more. I asked this question on Facebook last week and it was surprising how prison sounded like the best thing that could happen to many people.
August 18: What’s your favorite piece of clothing?
I have a blue shirt that my buddy Dave gave me this year. It fits amazingly well, and I feel I look great in it.
August 19: [blank] really bothered you today.
Nothing. It was a great day. I mean I danced in an 80s club to Milli Vanilli. It was rad.
August 21: In 140 characters or fewer, summarize your day.
Mind-numbing PacSun Work. Midday Gym visit. Random couchsurfing request. Youngins from the Czech Republic arrive. Great chats. Great peeps.
August 22: What can’t you forget?
That I exist.
August 23: Yes or no: everyone should have a backup plan.
Sure. Or not. You do you. I would say, examine your life, be introspective, be present.
August 24: Write your recipe for creativity.
Pick up tool. Use tool. Don’t stop. Leave expectations behind. Be okay with creating shitty shit.
“Write a short story every week. It's not possible to write 52 bad short stories in a row.”
― Ray Bradbury
“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.”
― Robert F. Kennedy
August 25: What would you like to tell your father?
That I love him, that I respect him, that I think he is a strong, honorable man.
August 26: What’s the best part about your life right now?
The freedom and the randomness that can occur because of it. Me attending Burning Man tomorrow for the first time being a prime example.
August 28: How would you describe your victory dance?
It’s a victory every time I dance.
August 29: What did you have for dinner?
Frito Pie at Burning Man: Camp Ganesh
August 30: What’s your simplest pleasure?
Human connections
August 31: What was the last wedding you attended?
Matt’s at The Villa Del Sol in Fullerton on May 3, 2015.
I did however go to Chris’s wedding reception in March of this year.
And Frank’s wedding is coming up on November 3rd.
July QuADs
July 4: [blank] is funny.
Life is funny.
July 5: What is your motto?
Always be questioning.
Runner up: If you’re bored, you’re boring
July 8: What do you have to lose?
My life, my sanity, my memory.
July 9: Today was delightful because [blank].
Everyone that came to my house for Art Day at Dean’s. Rene, Emily, Bob, and Majandra.
July 12: [Blank] is perfect.
Concepts are perfect. Nothing is truly perfect. Perfection is an ideal. We use it as a mark to strive for.
July 13: What are you sentimental about?
The human condition. About how throughout the entirety of human existence, my brothers and sisters have suffered. I’d say in unimaginable ways, but I, unfortunately, have a really good imagination. From physical to emotional pain, my empathy flows through it all. And it’s a weight. Only balanced by the knowledge of the joy and elation that travels alongside it.
July 14: Do you have a secret? More than one?
A secret is something you are deliberately not telling a person or persons. I have been told things in confidence, but I do not hold any secrets myself.
July 15: What is your heroic downfall? Your Achilles’ heel?
Losing faith in the future of humanity.
July 18: What are the ingredients for a perfect day?
A balance of productivity and relaxation.
July 21: Who was the last person to make you angry?
Angry. A rare emotion I have all but done away with. When it comes to people, I am more disappointed. But even that is selfish, “how dare they be someone else than who I wished them to be!” I still have an issue with people who are disrespectful, people who drive in unsafe manors, people who litter, people who are mean to others. They do not make me angry, frustrated perhaps, only because anger isn’t productive. Sit there and stew or do something. Recognize a problem before it gets you angry/upset/perturbed and do something about it. Or not. That’s priorities. Expectations+Priorities. That is the key. Oh. And to answer the question. No idea.
July 24: What’s in your fridge?
Carrots, broccoli, orange juice, almond milk, some salad greens, half an onion, some mushrooms, grilled up chicken, and a bunch of condiments.
July 26: Are you working hard or hardly working?
Working hard.
Working as a contract web designer at PacSun.
Working as an Art Director/Producer at Xenomurf.
Working as a freelance designer.
Working at finding someone to spend my life with.
Working at being a great friend and family member.
Working at fixing this house up.
Working at bettering myself, including yearly projects like this one.
July 27: What can you smell right now?
Nothing. My house. My olfactory sensors seem to have acclimated to my environment.
July 28: Write a phrase to describe your year so far.
The return of 2<3
July 31: Today were you a wallflower or a social butterfly?
The most social thing I did was play DnD via Google Hangouts video chat. So a giant, social, chromatic butterfly with 23 hit-points.
RIP George Romero: Rise in Pieces
George Romero, you’ll live on through your monsters who live on by living on when they shouldn’t live on, but I’m glad they live on because you live on through them even if they don’t really live on because that would be scary, which is exactly why you’ll live on.
June QuADs
June 1: On a scale of one to ten, how healthy are you?
10 being the healthiest I have ever been. 1 being the most unhealthy. I’m probably have slipped in recent months from an 8 to a 7. Whereas last year at this time I was closer to a solid 9. But I'm working my way back up.
June 2: Should you trust your instincts?
Your body has evolved to tell you when things are not right. That said, I feel with poor recall abilities, I have been in a world where I’m constantly training my subconscious, my intuition, my gut, mostly by filtering heavily what I hold to be true. Being open-minded yet skeptical. Snap decisions, going with your gut, or having a lot of research...all different ways of making a decision. I believe my mind prefers around 80% research depending on the source and the rest relies on how I overall feel about it.
June 5: What was the last fruit you ate?
Blueberries in my yogurt from Yogurtland
June 7: What do you feel grateful for today?
I am grateful that I have an opportunity to figure out how to help create a world where more people can live a life with as many opportunities and freedom as I have enjoyed.
June 8: What makes you miserable?
Understanding there is unjust suffering in the world. Suffering only because most of Earth’s populous is focused on consumerism and other such things, instead of altruism.
June 9: What makes a good friend?
Someone who listens. Who is there when you need them. Someone who can communicate with you, who gets you. Someone you never need to apologize to even if you choose to, because they understand.
June 10: How many cups of coffee did you drink today?
I drink maybe a ½ cup in a day. 4-5 days of the week.
June 12: Is something in your way? Can you move it?
Nothing too original. I seek freedom. I currently sell most of the hours of my day for money. After over a year of freedom from this, it’s a terrible kind of prison. To not control part of your life.
June 15: What’s your favorite gadget?
My smartphone is pretty damn great. I dig my Bluetooth headset a lot.
June 16: What makes you cynical?
Politics. Not insanely cynical, but knowing how corrupt it is, it is difficult not to have some level of cynicism.
June 20: Write the first sentence of your autobiography.
In solitude, he realized once again, that one’s perception sits on the throne of life.
June 21: Who do you want to know better?
Myself.
June 22: What was the last movie you saw in a theater?
Guardians of the Galaxy 2
June 23: When was the last time you cried?
I teared up while messaging with a friend on Monday.
“You know what it is, I just feel tired. Tired of being my own cheerleader. Tired of being other people's unappreciated cheerleader. Tired of making dinner for one. Of getting no feedback on things I do. Of living a life where no one is affected by what I do on a daily basis. I don't even know what it's like to have someone ask me about my day. To care about my day. That idea, so common in our culture, is so foreign to me. So then, when the people in my past who I've opened up to the most start exiting my life...hurt doesn't even begin to describe what that feels like. You end up feeling worthless."
June 26: What’s your biggest indulgence?
Alcohol. I know I should give it up. Maybe one day.
June 27: When was the last time you ate pizza? What kind?
At Charlie & Jenny’s on Saturday night when they had Jeff & Wendy, and the Bidwells over and all the accompanying children. It was a good night. I held a stick bug.
June 28: If your mood were a weather forecast, you’d be [blank].
I would be...wait...an inter-dimensional portal has opened over California and has dropped in every conceivable weather pattern…a tornado is fighting La Nina!...heat waves are wrestling a snowstorm! Oh this is interesting, some sort of flying man is taking all these weather phenomena and condensing them into a smaller and smaller ball of fury. Oh my god! This man just swallowed the entire ball! Later that day, Dean burps.
May QuADs
May 1: Messy or neat?
Neat. Organized. Everything in its place.
May 8: Who do you think is cute?
Dot. Dot is cute. And she knows it.
#animaniacs
May 10: How did you start your day?
I woke right before 8am and took a shower. I dressed nicely as I was to have a first date directly after work. I ate oatmeal with raisins. At about a quarter to nine, I hopped in my Civic and drove the 21 minutes to work at PacSun.
May 11: How do you want to be remembered?
Ultimately, we all will be forgotten. Maybe not certain film stars, but even then, they will only really be understood through their characters. Is that really being remembered? We are so young as a species, so it’ll be interesting to see how certain historical figures survive, but even then, how much is truth, how much is lore? What will people 100 years from now understand about the decades I was alive? Today has a slightly better chance of being understood because of this digital age where we can capture and save so much. But the real question is: Who will want to remember me? Or would I want to remember me?
This really changes the focus to what I want to create and who I care about experiencing it. So, as many are, I am curious about my genealogy. Thus, I think about my progeny, the future generations. It is one reason I create, why I write, to give some future person who might be interested in me a little glimpse of who I am and what made me tick. So, how do I want to be remembered? I could say, I hope as a good-natured, kind, and giving person, but really, I want all my words, my art, these yearly projects, to speak for themselves.
May 12: What are you exploring?
Myself.
May 14: What makes a good enemy?
It’s Mother’s Day for crying-out-loud! Well, I don’t really subscribe to enemies in my real life, so I don’t have an answer there. But in fiction? Hummm, a good enemy is someone who is your equal, who believes in their cause just as much or even more than you do. You see them as justified, just skewed, blinded to some truth that has enlightened you. You see them as redeemable, but fighting for everything you are against. A good enemy is someone we can relate to, even be sympathetic towards. But goes too far, for whom the ends justify a sacrifice of morals.
May 15: What do you consider your biggest achievement?
Myself. Becoming someone I love and respect. And never stopping the growth, seeking it with eyes wide open. Becoming someone I think others can look to for an example of what it means to be a good person. To be a great friend, to share everything I have with others. To be there when they need me. Recognizing and implementing the balance of forgiveness and self-preservation. Setting myself up to become the best partner I possibly can be.
May 16: What was your favorite day this week?
I had my Art Day At Dean’s this past Sunday, and while Parvin didn’t show up, Charlie came with June and Red. And Stephanie came with Luna. I didn’t really create anything this time, although I did paint our little mascot figure some more.
May 20: What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for love?
From someone I love and once loved:
“It kind of seems that the craziest thing anyone could ever do for love is just accepting love in the first place. By doing so, you're essentially placing your heart and soul in someone else's control.
And you're not truly "in love" I suppose unless it feels that you have lost all control over it. In a position that is impossible to fight. In a state of vulnerability that just changes you.
Equally, losing a love feels like losing a part of yourself. People tend to demonize their former lovers as a coping mechanism. So silly. I think when two people get to that point, in love, they have a shared vision of everything. And when it's gone, so is half your sight. Perspective skews if you allow it.”
—W
May 25: If you could travel anywhere tomorrow, where would you go?
Love to go finally meet Ian in Maui. I was also supposed to be traveling on my epic road trip right around this time. Up the west coast and beyond, but my money was getting short and a job that landed in my lap at both the perfect and most inopportune time.
May 26: List things that nagged you today.
If anything it's this idea of not being understood. The fear that I’ll die and never be known. Never share myself fully. This fear that no one cares to actually know me, like really, really KNOW me. And that I make it difficult to be known.
meta (a poem not read, but performed)
This is meta (a poem not read, but performed)
Begin poem.
I AM MEEK!
He yelled.
Pause.
Listen to me,
he whispered.
Pause.
Arrogance! We dive headlong into ego and spit out our ugliness, our beauty, and we hope something sticks in half-open ears.
I annunciate!!! To make my words cut you.
Look down.
Read.
these.
words.
I wrote.
Not here, but in that dark, isolation where we enter ourselves and see ourselves from the outside in.
How are my concentrated words diluted, by the time they play upon your synapses?
Fuck it.
Take a bow, for I have shared. I have paid my toll.
This is me. Not Yesterday. Not tomorrow.
Now.
Pause.
For dramatic effect.
End poem.
April QuADs
April 5: _____was inspiring.
John Oliver.
April 9: Where do you feel most at home?
Ummmm. In my home. Here, in this house on Worthington St.
April 11: What sound effect are you most like today?
I spent a good part of my day with an old friend and his family. Jeff, Sonia, and their kids were here visiting from Astoria, Oregon where they moved over ten years ago. They are now preparing to move to France to continue a path they believe has been set forth by their god. Jeff was my second tenant here in my Worthington house. During that time, we became close friends. He also helped produce music for a video I created for a college class. Identity is something I’m still very proud to show even today. So, the sound effect I am most like today is definitely the soft wooaaa, wooaa, wooaaaaaa in the video.
April 14: If you could acquire a talent (without any effort), what would it be?
Can I add points to my charisma? Probably not. Umm, being a better speaker. Is a better memory or photographic memory a talent? If none of these, then music comes to mind. To be a great guitar player or singer. Or both? Give me all the instruments!
April 16: What’s a political issue that interests you?
So many. But recently it was systems of government. Democracy is obviously flawed. But seems to be the best that society has developed so far for such large nation-states. So, either we try to govern only on a smaller scale or we need something new.
April 17: What do you think is your biggest shortcoming?
I overthink things. I see all the paths ahead. Every choice. Every timeline. I want to see, do, and experience everything. And it leaves me paralyzed. So, I end up doing less. Minimal commitments. And a minimized life of just surviving.
Also. My brain’s inability to recall. I feel it’s limited my intelligence. The next thing would be how nervous I get when confronted. My heart practically jumps out of my chest when anyone even slightly is agitated towards me.
April 18: Write down a problem you solved today.
I figured out how I am going to hook up the soaker hose to my in-ground irrigation PVC lines that will water all of my fruit trees.
April 19: What famous person would you bring back from the dead to have dinner with?
I guess this speaks to who I think could best influence me, what am I interested in. It would probably be a philosopher with the obvious answer being Socrates or Plato.
April 20: How many times did you curse today?
Probably none or less than three. Cursing is great. Because these words fucking mean something, they convey some special shit. When assholely cunts overuse them, it’s like crying wolf, they become diluted. And the world becomes a shittier place. Fuck that.
April 21: What do you say when someone asks, “What do you do?”
I create. I design to pay the bills, but I’m an artist. This is usually followed by what’s your medium? To that, I answer, everything. From painting to sculptures, poetry to making stuffed animals, building coffee tables to building gingerbread houses, writing essays to designing landscapes.
April 22: You wish you could stop ________ from happening.
Fallacious thinking. Moreover, I just wish people understood and practiced more logical thinking, put a priority on it, and stopped with the overly biased, emotional, gut responses. Emotions are great, I LOVE emotions! But time and place. We need a healthy balance, we need to understand that it’s dangerous not to think logically, to be skeptical, to be a critical thinker.
April 24: Is life fair? Yes? No? Sometimes? Not today?
Fair is subjective. We imbue life with a fairness based on our expectations. So it’s inherently neither fair nor unfair. That said, there is an imbalance that can be construed as fairness. People are born randomly into situations that are not equal to others. People starve, die, or go through brutal traumas just based on where they happened to be born. This is an unbalanced I fight against. There will, for perhaps a long time, be people that desire things that others have, beauty, fame, wealth. I’m not sure how I feel about that. What is it that truly makes existing fun, exciting, and worth living?
April 27: What “type” of person are you?
I’m a creative. I’m introverted, but really enjoy interacting with others. I’m an intellectual who is aware of how limited my intelligence is and frustrated how I am limited by it. The worst contender being my brain’s ability to recall. I’m someone who studies life, especially people, and picks them apart, taking the best of them and incorporating it into me. I’m someone who wishes he had closer relationships, but either feels that no one sparks that or the ones that do are not interested.
April 28: Who would you trade places with for just one day?
My first instinct is a woman. To really understand how their body feels, to grasp how they are treated. That is if it was just my mind in another’s body. If I could recall and know what they knew afterward, then I’d choose an intellectual of some kind. That said, if we are trading places, conceivably they would go into my body. That makes me want to choose someone I know and trust. It would be interesting and educational to do something like this with a romantic partner.
April 29: Who can make you happier? How?
I don’t necessarily think I’ve met them yet. But when I do, having them just being curious about me, being kind, respectful, and full of love and enthusiasm.
April 30: What are three words that describe your social life?
Underfed, sporadic, and enjoyable.
absence makes
Dream you are in an empty room
where your memories are brimming
with others opening gifts.
Everyone appearing elated. Fulfilled.
Soon, you receive your own first gift
tagged from persons unknown
wrapped up, warm, like a shared coffee.
You hold your hands briefly
before you swipe open.
Sweet whispers of oblivion echo back.
Startled. You toss it aside—
ravage the second one,
the third, the fourth, the fifth…
hollowness spills forth like an oil slick.
Finally (as hopelessness licks its lips)
thirty-two evokes a gasp.
It is beautiful.
It is intoxicating.
It is everything.
You love it.
Without words. It vanishes.
You are empty.
New gifts flirt as they amass.
Back to opening.
More hold heavy disappointment,
but you continue onto the next, because.
Because of thirty-two.
Finally! Seventy-one contains something.
It is nice.
It is interesting.
It is comfort.
You like it.
You forget the room for a while.
Time goes by, but soon
the gift you enjoy begins to fade.
Gone.
The room is growing cold.
Growing small.
Isolation kisses at your bones
as the gifts present a reprieve.
Weeks pass before your next
non-empty gift.
You appreciate it.
It does not vanish.
It does not fade.
You are happy.
You are careless.
You drop it.
It shatters.
Unopened gifts pile up.
You shiver.
Hands cracked and worn.
Millions of frigid boxes
and naught ribbons, separated.
Most contain despair. If anything.
Joy fleeting like startled birds.
Bound between
the life-draining monotony
of gift opening and
the claustrophobic solitude
of the empty room.
Expectations dissolve.
You open the last gift
curious why so many were empty.
March QuADs
March 5: What is your favorite word right now?
Expectations. With “priorities” being right next to it. Our personal expectations dictate our emotional reactions to everything.
March 8: What was the last song you listened to?
The Statler Brothers: Flowers on the Wall and it’s in my head…counting flowers on the wall, that don’t bother me at all…
March 10: What was the last movie you rented watched?
Kubo and the Two Strings (2016)
March 12: Where do you live?
It’s my first house. I’m really close to completing all the big projects I set out to do when I bought it (No secret rooms though). And now, I feel it’s time to leave. I’ve been caged up here in one spot for way longer than I should have been. It’s been my comfortable prison, tucked nicely in the wastelands of suburbia, and while I love it here, I honestly think, in many ways, it’s hindered me from achieving some goals and personal growth.
March 13: If you could add one hour to your day, what would you do with it?
I would stop everything and just relax. It’s funny because I have the whole day to do that. But I feel I need to be productive every minute of my day, paradoxically feeling guilty for not relaxing more.
March 14: What is true?
There are true things in reality even if there are no minds to comprehend them. Every mind that exists can comprehend parts of these truths. Some may one day be able to understand them all.
We know that our (humanity’s) cognitive faculties have not evolved to put us in error-free contact with reality. We did not evolve to be perfect mathematicians or perfect logical operators, or perfect conceivers of scientific reality at the very small, subatomic level, or at the very large cosmic level, or at the very old cosmological level. We are designed by a happenstance of evolution to function within a very narrow band of light intensities and physical parameters. There are things humans are designed to do very well like recognize the facial expressions of apes just like ourselves, recognize patterns, and throw objects in parabolic arcs within 100 meters. So the fact that we can succeed in creating a vision of scientific truth and the structure of the cosmos at large that radically exceeds those narrow parameters, is kind of amazing. It is an amazing fact about us that seems not to be true, remotely true, of many other species we know about and that’s something to be celebrated and it’s a lot of fun to see how far we can get in that direction, but I will grant you that there are no guarantees as we move forward in that space. In fact, we should be skeptical about how easily we can have it in this space.
So, “true” is only as accurate as the mind that filters it, which can comprehend it. Thus, as a species, truths are what we perceive and agree upon via consensus using the best and the only reliable tool currently available, the scientific method.
Now as individuals on the highest level, personal consciousness is the one thing in this universe that can’t be an illusion. It’s the only thing that you can be absolutely sure exists and is true at this moment. However, as social animals, the more we agree on our shared reality the better off we all are when it comes to understanding each other and getting along. So, creating a system to understand and agree upon a reality, as free from bias as we can achieve, was needed. And that’s the scientific method.
Beyond that, there is the language game of “true.” Our effort to organize the way the world seems to us with concepts and language and we have successful iterations of that and unsuccessful ones.
March 15: What do you not want to talk about?
Pop culture nonsense. Celebrity gossip. Political squabbling. Stuff I’m not interested in. I’m trying to do my best by me and better the people and world around me. I do indulge in distractions, but I gravitate mostly toward ones that stimulate positive growth potential.
March 16: What do you want to buy?
Right now in my Amazon shopping cart is a Fitbit for $150. And a chef’s knife for $20. I want to buy my friend, Sandra, self-published book. I’d like to buy my Malibu a new paint job and new interior. I want to buy some more fruit trees for the backyard. A new kitchen and two new bathroom remodels. A new wardrobe would be nice, it’s been a while since I bought new clothes.
March 17: What new activity have you tried?
Art Day At Dean’s! I’m now hosting a monthly art meetup at my house. I love the idea of creating with others. I tried to do that with the screen printing collective I began years and years ago, and that went nowhere. This however is a bit different, I’m setting aside a few hours a month so *I* can be creative. And if people want to join me, more the merrier. I’ve had one so far and it was pretty cool. But I know if it grows, I’m going to need a lot more space. Can’t want to see what it might turn into. 🙂
March 18: In three words describe your spirituality.
First, we have to discuss: what is “spirituality?”
I have no reason to believe there is something called a spirit or a soul. And “spiritual” is a vague, undefined, trite word people just love to throw around haphazardly. If I were forced to define it from how I’ve seen it used it would be something like this:
spiritual: relating to the non-material, focusing on introspection and how an individual’s mind works.
That said, meditation, contemplation, practices like yoga—all can have a profound effect upon the human mind without a belief in a god, spirits, souls, fate, or inner truths. I do believe in our brain’s capacity to trick itself into losing itself. I do not believe in any pseudoscience: crystals, reiki, horoscopes, chakras, healing energies, auras, psychics, etc. In fact, I think belief in these things is a dangerous, slippery slope of non-critical thinking that leads to more problematic decision-making.
That said, I have experienced a sense of being one with the universe, losing myself, and forgetting my consciousness as I floated through the cosmos of my mind. I have been moved by spectacular sunsets, sublime sonnets, and experienced self-transcending love.
My “spirituality” often comes out when I’m alone sitting under the stars at night realizing how lucky I am to have been born on a planet that is but a speck of dust in this vast universe in a time where I comprehend more than most humans that have ever existed.
So, my three words? Here are three different ones I came up with:
Look inside yourself.
Calm your mind.
Live right now.
March 19: Describe your work ethic.
I’m efficient. I prioritize budgeting my time and finding quicker more efficient ways of doing…well, everything. I don’t want to work any longer than necessary. I would rather have more free time than more money. I want to just work long and hard enough to get it done properly. I also have a “stuck in the ON position” issue with most projects. I get focused on achieving goals and just go. Sometimes for too long. For example, I just sprained my wrist after too many consecutive days of intense yard work. Working outside with minimal breaks for multiple hours straight. I’ve also worked until I was starving, ignoring the hundreds of minor hunger pangs until the big one clubs me over the head. Ultimately, I want a quality outcome with minimal effort.
March 20: What is the last book you read?
The last book I completed was Consider Phlebas by Iain M. Banks.
The last book I read a page from was a very old paperback copy of Great Dialogues of Plato (translated by W.H.D. Rouse) from 1956.
March 22: Jot down a news story from today.
London attack: Five dead in Westminster terror attack
Trump to GOP critics of health-care bill: ‘I’m gonna come after you’
SpaceX cargo ship returns to Earth
Newest “Sesame Street” Muppet has autism: Meet Julia
March 23: Are you country or rock ‘n’ roll? (or hip-hop, emo, funk, punk…)?
Taking this as metaphoric as I can. I’m more country than rock ‘n’ roll in how I would understand them personified. I feel I’m polite, well-mannered, kind, soft-spoken, yet I’ve also had my fair share of rodeos. Ironically, not a huge fan of the genre. But I grew up with it as both parents were huge fans.
I am the Eagles’ Desperado song hoping to come to my senses but have my reasons. Not getting any younger, only wanting what I can’t get, in my prison of walking through this world all alone. Slowly losing all my highs and lows, thinking I better let someone love me before it’s too late.
I seek Kenny Rogers’ Lady, wishing I can be her knight in shining armor and hoping one day I can utter the words, “For so many years I thought I’d never find you. Forever let me wake to see you each and every morning.” I’m living Garth Brookes’ The Dance, understanding that pain is part of life, that not knowing how it all will end is what makes life precious.
March 25: What made you laugh?
This will sound sad. But I don’t laugh a lot these days. It’s interesting, I haven’t thought about it much until right now. I’m happy, content, not sad…but there is perhaps a real lack of joy, of elation, missing from my life. The last time I laughed was most likely alone, watching a film, a show, or reading a book.
March 26: Who do you aspire to be like?
I try not to compare. I am me. I do admire others as models of excellence, paragons. Yet, know everyone even them are flawed and can make mistakes. That said, I shall never berate myself for not living up to the feats of others. Even self-assigned aspirations not met are nothing to chasten oneself about. That said, my cliché, if not true answer to this question is my mother and father. They are not perfect, but they have taught me a lot about what it means to be good people in a world where that can sometimes be a very difficult thing to be.
March 27: When was the last time you felt like you were on top of the world?
Today. Now. “Top of the world” means to me you’re in control, you are heading in the direction you desire, and you feel great about it. Things aren’t perfect in my life right now and I might be crawling, but I’m heading in the right direction. Always.
March 28: What do you want to remember about today?
I was invited over to my friends Jeff and Wendy’s to have a few slices of pizza and talk about growing foodstuffs. I ate my first fava beans and Nasturtium flower. I also acquired a pink lemon Wendy picked from her tree. What do I want to remember? How deeply I enjoy my friendships, how just a short visit and their generosity and love can brighten my entire week. How I use that to help balance out the more difficult times.
March 29: Write a few lines down from a song or poem that you identify with today.
amidst the chaos
I go on many first dates. Very few second dates. I feel what I’m looking for is a rare gem. My proclivities as a miner of these precious stones have me on a dig so deep that at times I feel I’ve entirely lost the concept of sunlight. The irony is not lost on me, that the gem I seek will only shine under that same light. So, I confidently stumble forward, my tether weakening with every step, questioning my self-made map.
amongst the shared vibrance
And manufacturing, through sheer will, a piece of sunlight to sustain me until I can once again warm my face with the beauty of our star’s nuclear fusion with my beautiful gem smiling in my hand. I went on a first date last week. Elle.
whilst searching for resonance
I want to go on very few second dates; It’s a rare thing, it means I gleamed a vibrant gem and need to work on freeing it. The date went well, our texting rapport was strong, things were looking up.
there is little peace
I was cursed with a cold right after. I canceled our second date for Saturday. After I inquired about rescheduling last night, I woke to a “too late” message on my screen. “I had a good time, but…a connection to someone else has developed while you were coughing and feeling miserable. Sorry, but your window has closed.”
There is something to be said about the control we have over our lives. The timing of it all. The first impressions. And rejection.
amidst the chaos,
amongst the shared vibrance,
whilst searching for resonance,
there is little peace.— excerpt from Vaka by DAEthington